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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29808222">if you have to fall, at least it's for him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalonjoan/pseuds/avalonjoan'>avalonjoan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Henrietta: without magic, with medical careers [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Medical, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Dysfunctional Family, Fainting, First Kiss, Getting Together, Graduation, Kissing, M/M, POV Declan Lynch, Post-High School, Ronan hasn't even started EMT school yet, chronologically, so this is like, the FIRST work in their series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:22:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29808222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalonjoan/pseuds/avalonjoan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The most shocking thing about the day was that Ronan had actually fucking graduated from Aglionby, so when Declan watched Ronan kiss Adam Parrish and then almost pass out, he was only mildly surprised.</p><p>--</p><p>Everything changes when Ronan graduates, and Declan's not quite sure where to go from there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Henrietta: without magic, with medical careers [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>174</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if you have to fall, at least it's for him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The most shocking thing about the day was that Ronan had actually fucking graduated from Aglionby, so when Declan watched Ronan kiss Adam Parrish and then almost pass out, he was only mildly surprised. He stared for a few seconds as his brain put everything together (or at least tried) before Matthew grabbed him by the elbow and hauled him over to where Ronan was now seated against the trunk of one of the larger trees on the central quad. Parrish was kneeling next to him, and they were both smiling—no, laughing. Ronan and Parrish were giggling in the shade, polyester gowns pooled around them, diplomas and mortarboards in a pile to the side. They were holding hands.</p><p>“It’s just because it’s hot,” Declan heard Ronan saying, “not because—”</p><p>Adam was absolutely beaming, and Declan realized that he wasn’t sure he’d seen the kid smile before. Not like this, at least. “Nope. You swooned. I’m telling Gansey that you need a fainting couch for—”</p><p>Ronan cut him off with a kiss.</p><p>Christ, this was weird.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Declan stood far enough away that he and Ronan could make eye contact without Ronan needing to stand. “I see you’ve started celebrating already.”</p><p>Both Ronan and Adam snapped their heads to look at Declan, their faces suddenly completely blank. A moment later, Ronan grinned; it was different from the way he’d smiled at Adam—this was cutting, wicked, defensive. He didn’t break eye contact as he said coolly, “Hey, Dec. Have you met Parrish?”</p><p>Declan shook his head, more tired than anything else. It made sense that he’d be exhausted, having just dragged his brother kicking and screaming through the last two years of high school.  Putting his hands in his pockets, he kept his face politician-pleasant and looked away from Ronan. “Adam, congratulations. I know you’ve worked hard for this. Word is you’re Cambridge-bound?”</p><p>Adam nodded, hand still linked in Ronan’s. “Thanks. And yeah, I’ll be heading up in August.”</p><p>“Harvard’ll be lucky to have you. Let me know if I can be of help in any way.” Declan paused, glanced at Ronan (who was rolling his eyes at no one in particular), then back to Adam (who he knew wouldn’t ever ask for his help), and continued, “I don’t know if my brother’s mentioned it to you, but we’re doing dinner at the Barns tonight and you’re more than welcome to join us.”</p><p>“Oh, shit,” Ronan said, sitting up a little and touching Adam’s shoulder with his free hand while Matthew excitedly said something about cake. “Do you want to come over to play? I can ask my dad if we can have a sleepover.” He winked at Declan. Jesus <em> fucking </em> Christ, would it be inappropriate to get in a fistfight at graduation?  Probably.</p><p>Adam made the same expression externally as Declan was making internally. It was hard to imagine that this otherwise smart kid was making the seemingly conscious decision to get involved with Ronan. “Yeah, shithead, I’ll come over.” </p><p>Looking around at the quad, Declan glanced at his watch. “Ronan, I don’t suppose we could get a family photo in front of—” he waved a hand around them “—something?”</p><p>“Lemme see if I can stand.” Ronan shifted onto his knees and slowly got to his feet, leaning a little too much on Adam. After taking a few seconds to accommodate, he nodded. “Pick a backdrop so I can get out of this thing.” He flapped one arm, the gown fluttering like a wing. “Whoever thought that deep fucking navy blue was a good thing to have us wear to an outdoor graduation was a dumbass.”</p><p>Adam used Declan’s phone to take pictures of them in front of the main building; Ronan cooperated, and smiled, and when Declan looked at the pictures to make sure they were alright, he might even say that Ronan looked proud. It was nothing compared to his face in the picture of him and Adam, though. Declan hadn’t seen him smile like that in years.</p><p>And then the Ganseys and that weird girl and Henry and Seondeok arrived, with handshakes and hugs and boyish whooping. Declan and Seondeok talked business off to the side while Ronan and his friends tried to make a human pyramid, roping Matthew in to be part of the base because they were short a person. The girl (who was either named Jane or Blue, he was never quite sure) ended up on top, wearing one of the boys’ mortarboards since this wasn’t actually her graduation. Declan didn’t remember much about his own graduation—it certainly wasn’t like this. Would things be different now if Declan had surrounded himself with people like this in high school? No—if he’d had the opportunity to do that, instead of trying to be a parent at eighteen. Would he still feel like a teenager wearing a grown-up costume then? No use in wondering that now. </p><p>Once the human pyramid had collapsed with minimal injuries, everyone split up, making plans to meet at the Barns after various family obligations. After a brief argument that Declan saw but couldn’t hear, Ronan got in the passenger seat of the BMW while Adam drove. Matthew talked the whole way home, but Declan only processed a fraction of it.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>Once dinner was finished and Ronan decided it was time for a bonfire, Declan had gone inside, needing a break from, well, everything.  He was nursing yet another beer that tasted like nothing when Adam Parrish came down the stairs and through the kitchen. His cheeks were pink, either from sun or embarrassment or alcohol, and Declan looked down, fidgeting with the label on his bottle.</p><p>“We weren’t, um—” Adam said, gesturing to the stairs, and Declan had no choice but to face him. “Ronan just asked me to—”</p><p>Waving a hand in Adam’s general direction, Declan shook his head. “I don’t care, and to be honest, I don’t want to know.” Adam’s expression hardened—fuck, this kid could turn on a dime, going from country boy with a crush to this cornered animal with bared fangs in a second.  Rubbing at his forehead, Declan sighed. “Christ, not like that. You think I give a shit that he’s gay?”</p><p>“I don’t know what you think about anything.” </p><p>“Well, I don’t.” Declan studied Adam’s face for any sign that he believed him and, seeing nothing, went on, “I just meant that he’s my brother and I don’t want to know what he is or isn’t doing in his bedroom with you or Gansey or some girl or anyone.”</p><p>Gansey. Oh. For someone who didn’t care and didn’t want to know, Declan inexplicably found himself wondering. How much about Ronan had he missed?</p><p>After seeming to consider this explanation, Adam nodded. Might as well test the waters while they were here, Declan figured. “So, uh, how long has this been going on?”</p><p>Adam definitely blushed this time, and Declan went back to peeling off his bottle’s label. “Just today.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Taking a long inhale through his mouth and letting it out through his nose, Declan took a moment to decide how to word what he wanted to say. “I don’t have to tell you that Ronan is—”</p><p>Adam looked directly at him, the lovestruck softness from a few seconds ago gone from his face. “I know how he is.” <em> Better than you do </em>, of course being the implication. </p><p>It wasn’t the fact that Declan had been drinking that made this whole thing harder. Maybe if he had a few more drinks on board, he would have been able to say what he wanted to without coming off as a huge asshole. He closed his eyes, rubbed a hand over his face, and tried again. “I just want you to be careful.”</p><p>“Are you worried about him, or about me?”</p><p>Truth be told, Declan wasn’t quite sure.  All he knew was that there were few things more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose, and that in one way or another, both Ronan and Adam had been that kind of man. It hadn’t occurred to him that like would attract like in this case, and he had no idea what would happen. “Forget I said anything.”</p><p>Pressing his lips together, Adam walked past Declan, reached into the fridge, and took out a can of Coke. The emotion radiating out of him was palpable; Declan felt a little sick from it. Adam pointedly avoided looking at him as he closed the fridge door and started toward the backyard. Declan couldn’t stop watching him.</p><p>“I’ve spent the past two years trying to keep him from getting killed or dropping out,” Declan said before Adam could leave. “I guess I have to figure out what we’re supposed to be now.”</p><p>Adam was silent for what felt like a long time, his hand still on the latch. Finally, in a low voice, he said, “He wasn’t being self-destructive this whole time just to piss you off.”</p><p>“I know,” Declan replied, but his voice shook just a little and shame pulled in his chest. </p><p>“I’ll see you outside.” Adam left, and the screen door swung shut behind him.<br/><br/></p><hr/><p><br/>Now that Declan had decided that he was simply going to avoid Adam for as long as possible, he waited until Gansey and Blue/Jane and Henry and Noah showed up before he went outside. When Adam tossed Blue over his shoulder and Gansey chased after them, Declan dragged one of the lawn chairs over to where Ronan was seated with a cup of pink lemonade.</p><p>“You feeling okay?” he asked, and Ronan looked up. “I saw you go down after the ceremony, but, uh...”</p><p>Ronan shrugged. “Fine. Just hot and dehydrated.” He held up his cup, almost a mock toast, and took a sip. Casting his eyes down, he ran his finger around the rim of the cup. “Surprised, too, I guess.” </p><p>That was an open door if Declan had ever heard one. “Seemed like a welcome surprise.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Staring into his drink, Ronan smiled. “It was. Is.”</p><p>Declan bit at his lower lip. Give him a congressman and he could talk smoothly about politics he only had a vague understanding of, but he had no idea how to talk with his own brother outside of an argument. Granted, Ronan hadn’t exactly been conversational in the past, either.</p><p>“He’s a good kid.”</p><p>Snorting out a laugh, Ronan raised an eyebrow. “He’s my age.”</p><p>“You know what I mean.” Declan clenched his fist—a reflex, maybe—and then rolled his wrist around, gave a final squeeze, and relaxed his hand. “I’m happy for you.”</p><p>“Aw, thanks.” Ronan gave a smarmy, closed-lipped smile, his tone saccharine, and Declan remembered why they always ended up fighting. </p><p>“And since I might as well say it now so you can get all of your sarcastic responses out at once,” Declan paused, “I’m proud of you.” With a breath of laughter, Ronan shook his head, but he didn’t say anything. “I really wasn’t sure if you’d make it to graduation.”</p><p>Ronan grinned. “Thought I’d be dead in a ditch somewhere?” </p><p>“Honestly? Yes.” Every time Ronan didn’t pick up his phone, which was every time Declan called, he pictured his brother pinned between the seat and the steering column of their dad’s car, or halfway through the windshield, or unreachable off the side of a mountain road. </p><p>Something must have shown on his face, some fear or grief or relief, but whatever it was, Ronan caught it. He bit his lip. “Sorry for being such a piece of shit.”</p><p>“I feel like that implies you’re gonna change, you know.” Declan was going to clarify that, make it sound less dickish, but then Matthew called to him asking where the candles were, and the moment was gone. He stood, yelling a reply back to Matthew, and turned to go inside, but stopped and looked back when he heard Ronan’s voice behind him.</p><p>“I enrolled in an EMT program.” Ronan shrugged when he said it, but then he glanced at Declan in a way that almost looked like he was searching for approval. “Regional Medical’s running an accelerated course with job placement on one of the city trucks after. Thought it might be fun.”</p><p>Not unkindly, Declan laughed. “Goddamn adrenaline junkie.” He took a step closer and scrubbed a hand over Ronan’s scalp. “I think it’ll be a good fit.”</p><p>Ronan wouldn’t be going to college. Declan knew this, even before Ronan told him outright a few weeks before. But maybe that was alright. Maybe the lights and sirens would replace late-night reckless driving. </p><p>Maybe Adam would replace some of his other vices.</p><p>“If your little friend wants to spend the night, he can.” His comment was immediately met with a middle finger from Ronan, and because Declan could be a piece of shit too, he added, “But you have to keep the door open—I don’t want any funny business under my roof.”</p><p>“Fucker.” Finishing his drink, Ronan smirked. Declan held a hand out to him, and he took it, getting to his feet. Ronan’s grip was a little too firm, and he didn’t let go once he was up. </p><p>“Dizzy?”</p><p>“Nah, I’m good.” Ronan pulled his hand free from Declan’s and clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks.”</p><p>He ran off toward his friends, who were now roughhousing on the ground. Declan watched him go, as if he might see something physically different now, after their first level-headed discussion in ages. The two of them would never be like Ronan and Matthew, but maybe he could get a few steps closer to it. Sitting in the chair that Ronan had vacated, Declan tilted his head back and closed his eyes, finally feeling at rest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>-oh my GOODNESS this is #16 in the series! And chronologically the first in Ronan and Adam's story together.</p><p>-writing Declan is hard because he's a complicated dude but also definitely majoring in like political science or business or econ or something I don't care about</p><p>-i just! love! letting Ronan and Adam be silly teenagers who smooch and are like "well this is endgame for us"</p><p>-thanks for reading, and come say hi over on tumblr at the same username!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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